In the Beginning

A blog: It can be satirical, humorous, thoughtful, or deeply intimate. My hope is that the words I write will be more than just pixels on a screen. I pray that the Lord will grant me the wisdom and insight to write only what He would deem worthy enough to type. I wish to start out with a personal account of my life, at least a brief overview. The following words are my personal testimony of the reality of God's love and His redeeming grace through His Son Jesus Christ.

There is one event in my life that affected me the next 18 and a half years; yet, I have no memory of it. I have three of my four older brothers remember my dad's funeral and his life. My dad was loved by all who knew him for his kindness, wisdom, his great attitude, and his loving passion for the Lord despite being so affected by diabetes that he was in a wheelchair and died early due to his disease. For years I so was jealous that my brothers had all the memories of my father, and I had none.

My mom re-married when I was 7 to a man who I thought was finally going to give me that fatherly love and bond I desperately desired and needed. It turns out he wasn't as good as I thought he was going to be. He verbally and physically abused me until I was 13. While he never called me names or left bruises, he would yell at me or my mom constantly and occasionally push or kick me. He made made feel as if I wasn't loved. I became very depressed, to the point of attempting suicide multiple times before age 13.

I always enjoyed going to church, and I felt that church was the answer to all my problems. I was involved in vacation bible school, youth group, youth camps, and everything else. I was trying to earn God's love, but church can't save me. One Sunday I learned that, yes, God loves me so much, but I was going about it the wrong way. I couldn't earn God's love. He loved me before I was born, and He loves me so much that He sent His son Jesus so that whosoever believed in Him would not perish but have eternal life(John 3:16.)

The problem is, my sins and imperfections keep me from having a relationship with God. My sinfulness comes with a penalty. That penalty is death and eternal separation from God. Fortunately, Jesus is God's only provision to pay the death penalty that my sin created. While God did this through Christ - one time, for every person, and all sins - it was up to me to make my choice to believe this to be true and put my faith in Christ. After I did that, I finally felt loved and accepted. My life did not change only my perception and reaction to what was happening in my life.

I still struggled with depression and suicide. The difference is now I personally knew God's love and that was all I ever needed and at times all I had. My step-dad still does not completely make me feel loved(although it has gotten a lot better), and I still feel like I have to do things to earn his acceptance. God always reassures me that He loves me and not only does He love me but He loves my step-dad. It has been 14 years since my mom re-married, but I can honestly say that I love my step-dad with all my heart. It's because God loved me first before I could ever learn how to love others, that I can love my step-dad as unconditionally as I do now.

1) God loves you always and forever.
2) We choose to go against His will and sin against Him. "The wages of sin is death" Romans 6:23.
3) Jesus Christ died to pay that wage so that no one would have to. Not only did He die, but He rose three days later fulfilling a prophecy about the Messiah that was written hundred of years before He was even born.
4) 1-3 is and will always be true. However, each person must personally receive this gift.

Please, do not go one more moment without experience an amazing relationship with God. Even if you have doubts about certain aspects of God, Christianity or religion, put your faith in Jesus Christ. My life is so different as a result of my personal decision to believe in the Son of God.